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Steady Onto Normal

3 Nov

It has happened! My dad has called me!happy_little_girl_speaking_by_cell_phone_canvas-re895f87f10194fa48d935152d8b115ba_2aw2w_8byvr_512 You have no idea the relief that I felt when I saw the number show up on the phone! I was so frazzled as a matter of fact, that I dropped the phone! It just slipped through my fingers, which made the phone turn off completely, so I had to wait to turn it on and let it do it’s thing before I could dial the number back! I was kind of hesitant on how to talk, but he just started talking to me like nothing had happened, that is the country way after all! We talked for about half an hour about everything that had gone on in the time we hadn’t spoken, he spoke to the boys as well. After the phone call, I felt so much better! Like a weight had been lifted I suppose, but the kind that sits not on your shoulders, but in your neck somehow.

I know that he read my letter. Whether he agreed with me or not, he called. That is all that matters. I hope this issue will be a non issue for the rest of time! We are vegan, we will stay vegan, and it is going to be harder to have no gmo’s in our home as well. Since my dad is a farmer, and he uses beans that have been treated, this is going to be very tough for him, but our choice is not his.GMO-free-label This is all I can offer for consolation to him. I will in turn have to live with the fact that my parents cannot guarantee that our children don’t intake gmo’s while they have them under their care. can’t even guarantee that for my kids, I can’t expect them to do it. I am scared to get cancer. I am scared for my husband and children as well. I do not want my children to be unhealthy. I know they are not, and their health just gets better the more my husband and I educate ourselves, but I worry just the same. I cannot control what they eat forever. At some point, maybe one of them will want to eat meat when they are grown. I cannot stop this. I can only guide the choices they make while I am raising them.

On another note, I called my parents on Sunday. I reached my mother. This was awkward a little as well! I know that she knows and she knows that I know, kind of thing. She did not mention the letters either, or what happened between us. We exchanged information, and we both said “sorry” I suppose in our own ways. She told me that she saw something where they made some sort of cream or something from cashews.hand This, I gathered was her telling me that she would support us. It gets hard to read between the lines. I do not like to do it, but I have to. I would rather say things, or write them down and let the other person know. This is not the way my parents were raised I suppose. Although, my dad is quicker to speak his feelings to me than my mother. He really is a caring and loving person, his pride and stubbornness get in the way sometimes. He is a little (lot) cranky too! Ha ha!  So, mom spoke to the boys, she is planning to take them for a weekend. I think they both missed the boys. Ah, forget that, everyone missed everyone. It has been a whole month since I have seen my parents! That is too long. I am proud to say, “I want my mommy!”

Now, that we are almost back on track, we are going steady onto normal. It won’t be immediate, but we have to start somewhere! empath-a-blessing-and-curse

I look forward to seeing my parents, having them around me, and watching them love my children. I am an extension of all of those I hold close to me. I absorb emotions. This is why my opinions are so strong and my own emotions are almost exaggerated. I have to hear myself, I have to recognize my own emotions amongst everyone elses. My love is deep, which makes it easy to hurt me as well. You know, things just aren’t realized until you speak them aloud or write them down! Epiphany? Maybe!

All in all….. I am happy right now. happy


Hitting Me Where it Hurts

29 Sep

So, I am beginning to fade fast from all of the workload that has fallen on me. I know I am the owner, the boss and the one who can do every job in the bakery, but it is starting to wear on me that I have to do all the jobs. I am training someone new, and she is going to work out perfectly, and I hope she stays on and loves working with Shanna and I. My staff becomes like family to me. I spend more time with my staff than I actually do with my own family….. maybe even amounts of time. But still, it’s alot of time with them. So, with training and teaching co-op students, and training 2 new staff members, doing all of the baking and a little more than half of the decorating, I am super beat.

So, when people ask me to do something, I want to say yes to everyone. I know that I can’t. I say maybe if I have time now.

Actually, I am not looking forward to sitting in my office to complete all of the book work that I haven’t been able to do for the last month. It is going to be painful! I will pull through! Ha Ha! There could be worse things!

So, as you know, my family and I are now vegan. We actually really love it! I am super excited because I am learning to cook delicious and healthy meals for my family. I pretty much LOVE to cook now. I have been making broth to use in cooking dishes and I am making soups and other dishes which we freeze so we can eat good meals in the winter when money is a little slim. I made a pot pie last night that I really loved. Even my kids ate their entire serving! Sometimes it is hard to get them to finish a meal, but since we are now vegan, it is especially important that they finish their meals. So, we made a couple of soups to freeze, and we were going to my parents house on the weekend, so we decided to bring along 2 different soups and some bread that my hubby had made. When it came to lunch time, my dad refused to eat with us. He was angry and started yelling at us, saying that we are shoving our eating habits down his throat. I took great offence to this, since we had brought cauliflower soup….. there is nothing terrible about that. Even people who eat meat, eat soup. So, he made it quite clear that he did not accept the way we eat and said that we force it on him. Now, I don’t want my children to think that there is anything wrong with our choice of diet. It is just food. That is it. Why is it such a big deal? Does my dad eat potatoes and vegetables? Yes. Does he eat soup? Yes. Does he eat fruit? Yes.  There is nothing that we do that is offensive or mean. We eat healthy, it is our choice to eat how we do and we do not force anyone else to eat that way either. I do not go to them and start yelling because they want to feed us chicken nuggets. Which my mother is willing to feed my youngest son. We told them both that we do not eat meat. What is wrong with that? What is so hard with feeding a vegetarian or vegan? Not every dish has meat.

Anyways, I left my parents house is disgust and anger. My children heard me defending our eating habits. I am fine with this. I don’t want them thinking that people can shove their ideals on to them. I want them to know that it is okay to be different, no matter who says something. My 7 year old understands all of this, but my 5 year old does not, and he is an easy target to change his mind. When he is old enough he can make a decision, but we will make sure that it is educated. I was very hurt by my parents and I cannot believe that they are letting a thing like food get in the way of family. I am disgusted and hurt and disappointed. I never thought they would turn on me like this.I am my mother’s only child, and my step-father is acting child-like. I think that his constant negativity is rubbing off on her. Which surprises me immensely. My mother is a strong person, but she is being worn down.

I wrote her a letter so she can read my thoughts. I find writing letters much better than talking. I get a chance to say my piece, and not be interrupted or screamed at.

We shall see. Until then, I feel broken inside and I am glad I have my husband and children. They are my strength and if I need a hug, they are right there. I will never turn on my children. Especially over something so silly.

This is where it hurts. If someone puts my family down. Our choices and our way of life. Someone telling my children the way they are being raised is wrong….I will fight. I will protect my own, whether or not we are being attacked by our own. Family is everything to me. All family. It does not matter to me how they eat, or choose to live. I love them all for who they are. What they do does not always define who they are.

I just want peace.

Why is this hard? Why is everyone a critic?

The Fall of the Apple

17 Jul

“They” say that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, in essence, I am sure it is a true statement. We are all a piece of our parents, the blood, the looks sometimes, maybe even the way we talk or hold ourselves, and as we grow older, we remind ourselves of our parents more often than not. We are all different, and in time I find either we adopt our parent’s ways of life, or we veer off track hard. Given that different generations have their ups and downs, their beliefs, and what is popular changes. But I ask myself how close to being my mother I really am. And, how did I get there?

Now, my mother is the tree and I am the apple. This apple did not have a direct path down to fall off the tree. I have fallen through a numerous amount of shrubs before I hit the ground to make roots of my own. Being a single mother, my mom had some help from friends, family and different babysitters. I was very easily influenced as a child and even as a young adult….sometimes even now. I tend to take on other traits that I find endearing or respectable in others, this changes my path of thinking and introduces me to way more than I had imagined. My mother was/is a very strict parent. She had to. She worked 12 hour shifts, she put herself through college at 40, and bought a house on her own. She worked a lot when I was little, so much so, that I spent a good part of my early life at the babysitters house, which was great for both of us. Janie was/is a caring child care provider, with 3 children of her own, she took on foster children as well as taking on babysitting. These days I remember being a busy and curious little girl. Picking fresh beans in the garden and eating them, playing in the sandbox, legos and helping her in the kitchen, I would get to make my own pie with the left over dough she had, we even made home made ice cream! My mother was caring, not over affectionate I was always trying to find ways to get her to be near me. I would pretend to fall asleep on the couch so that she would have to carry me to bed. I loved this.

I learned hard work early on. I saw how often my mother worked, and I was expected to do things around the house as well. I learned to do the laundry when I was 8 and I also did the dishes and could make myself breakfast and such. I mowed the lawn and helped clean the house. There was no room for whining….mother did not take to that at all.

chores1Now that I am an adult, I can see the traits that I have carried on. Hard work and the expectation of my children to work hard as well. I want them to be children while they can, but it does not hurt my 7 year old to do the dishes regularly and clean the cat litter box. My 5 year old needs a little more work to get his little bum in gear still! In time! I admit, that I would not have a business of my own if I hadn’t been raised by my mother, She is definitely the strongest influence that I have to kick my own butt. Sometimes I am too hard on myself, which is where I am not like her at all, she is very hard on herself as well….probably moreso than I, but she does not take the time to relax and pamper herself. I don’t think that she has ever had a massage or a pedicure. Running the business means being under an intense amount of stress and constant worry. Being a mother already kicks these feelings into gear, never mind owning a business! Anyhow, I have been finding ways to relax and to find the initial reasons on my feelings. Being proactive is how I see it. Knowing the roots of my stress and how to handle it in the future is a useful tool, however, medical doctors are not in my routine. I am slowly backing off the medical industry all together. Like I said before, if I am cut in half, please take me to the hospital to be repaired, other than the physical injuries, I try to stay more natural. I see someone that does medical intuition, I have seen a homeopath and a holistic nutritionist. These all make me feel better. These all have natural ways to cure what is wrong, and they talk with me on how to deal with things in a natural way. Let my body tell me, get in touch with who I am and how I deal with things. Which is to say that your body reacts to everything. Emotions, feelings and diet have almost everything to do with the physical health of your body.

My mother, does not go this route at all! It has taken a lot for her to go to the doctor regularly. Her point of view for years was that if she was sick, she didn’t want to know about it. Just let it go. She now goes to the doctor. High blood pressure and a ton of stress, she smokes still as well. I know that she is not as healthy as she could be, I do not tell her this. She would change the subject or brush it off like she does so well. I am concerned of course. She has not really warmed up to my husband and I’s eating habits either. She still wants to feed my children bologna and chicken nuggets. My 5 year old does not quite understand our choices, which makes him a prime target for my parents to feed him whatever they want him to ingest. This scares me.

However, I do know that they will not harm my children, they will just not respect our wishes for eating habits. My ideals for the way that I live my life are completely different than what I was raised with and how to proceed through life day to day. I do not believe in eating animal products on a day to day basis.holistic I will never ingest a pig, cow, chicken, deer etc. ever again. On a daily basis, I will not intake milk or eggs on my own accord. I understand that going out is a little harder, and if there is butter in something, I am not going to die. I decide that holistic treatment for my body and mind is more of the route I would like to follow, and I am in touch with my feelings. I love. I love to love, hug and cuddle, touch….all of it. It feels good.Hugs are great. I do not get many from my mother, and I am not sure why.

I am not an apple that has fallen close to the tree. We may be joined by the same roots, but we are far from  being like each other. Maybe our humour and laugh, maybe how we talk and such, but beliefs are completely different. It makes me wonder how far my children will fall from me! As long as they are better for it, I am good with it and I will try to accept and encourage what they find important in their life.

How far did you fall?apple-love

Allergies Mix with Nothing!

16 Jul

So, over the last 3-4 weeks I have been very ill, with what I thought was seasonal allergies! Watery red eyes, runny nose, congestion and just overall feeling like a steaming pile of you know what. I went to a Holistic Nutritionist yesterday for allergy testing. This was very cool! I remember getting an allergy test when I was a kid. A whole bunch of little needles in my back injecting me with all kinds of things that could be potentially harmful to my body. At the end, my back looked like I had been attacked by mosquitoes. It was a terrible experience. I know, I know, some of you are thinking,”suck it up already”, but if you knew all the pokes and prods I had received already by that point, being a 9 year old child, this was just another experience that I had to choked down my tears.

Anyways, I went to Meagan Esser, she practices out of the Bluewater Nutrition & Health in Sarnia. She was so easy to talk to and I felt comfortable immediately. I also felt more at ease knowing that I would not be poked or be prescribed any medication. The testing for allergies is amazing. It’s pretty great how our bodies are so knowledgeable! If we would just listen! My body has been telling me something for the last little while, and I had not been listening… usually it takes an outside source to tell you something that you already knew to get your butt in gear!

Apparently, I am allergic to caffeine AND coffee! UGH!! It makes sense, but I felt like screaming “NOOOOO!!!”, busy wedding season, getting up at 5 am to bake 240 cupcakes every morning and spending at least 12 hours at work every day is NOT conducive to being allergic to caffeine! By the time I get home, I have a 5 and 7 year old who just want me to entertain them until they go to bed! Lets go mom, lets go, what can we do? I’m bored, can we go somewhere, can we do something? AH! I coffee would be great! MMMMmmmm, it smells so good! And it is fantastic with chocolate almond milk! Mmm. 

Enough! I will survive, I will drink decaf tea. I will not drink any soda (which I don’t anyhow). I will have to rest more, calm down and keep the stress level low (hahahaha) and eat properly. I haven’t been taking care of myself. Just like a mother and business owner, I come last. I can have that no more. I have to eat breakfast, or take the time at night to make a juice, I have to take my vitamins. I have been doing this for the last 3 days and I have been feeling better! My eyes are not yucky any more, my nose is not drippy and my cough is almost all gone. I did get light headed last night, but I think that is the toxins still having to come out.

I can concentrate better now, and I have more energy. Meagan did tell me that I have to make sure that I get enough vitamins that actually absorb into my body. Tablets don’t let the body absorb enough, but capsules do, that’s an easy switch! Done! But now, my husband is making an example of me in front of my kids. They better eat their dinner or they will end up getting sick like mommy…..great! That feels so great! Ugh! But, he did make me a lunch for work this morning. That was sweet!

So, from now on, I will take care of myself and eat all meals, eating lots of fruit and veggies, legumes, oats, etc. Whatever it takes! Except for swiss chard… hubby tried that at dinner last night, and it did not fly, that stuff is horrid! Neither I or the kids could eat it! And, it made me feel like a little kid because my husband is eagle eyes on me now with what I eat. Just eat it, he says…. I tried and couldn’t do it! Yep, there I was with a pile of it on my plate just like the kids! I was going to send myself to the corner! ha ha!

I highly recommend going to a holistic nutritionist, This was my first time and it will not be my last! I am trying to get away from seeing M.D.’s for everyday things that I get concerned with because I know better. I know that food can heal all. Food, and exercise and vitamins, can make mostly all well. If I get into an accident and need to be put back together, send me to a hospital! Alot more people are going this route now I noticed. It is everywhere now. Good. Now, just to get all the nay sayers either on board, or at least stop putting everyone else’s choices down!

In a perfect world

I am what I eat!

15 Jul

Since my whole household has turned vegan, eating has become a challenge for me. I am a very busy person and I cannot really eat anything before 8-9 am, even though I am up and working at 5:30. Since changing our eating lifestyle I have had more energy and my complexion is better, I have had some weight loss as well. Having said that, it is easy to get lazy. Being vegan is not for lazy people, you have to be prepared to prepare most of what you eat. There is no pre packaged healthy foods out there, they all have something in them that keep them on the shelf for an extended amount of time, and if you look at the ingredients…..well…. my rule is that if I can’t see the immediate source on which the ingredient is from, I put it down right away.  Another rule is that if I cannot pronounce it and it is in a pre packaged product, it is probably not good for me.

With all of that being said…. I had gotten lazy. I started working more (wedding season) and eating less fresh fruit and vegetables. I started eating more sushi (sans meat), and started eating more breads and even had some cheese every once in a while. Now, sushi can be good for you, in moderation. I wanted it every day. This is not good.

Three weeks to a month ago, I started getting symptoms of having allergies. I have never reacted to the weather outside like this in my life. When I was 10 I went through an allergy test and they found I was allergic to smoke and cats. Now, I used to smoke….I am admittedly borderline genius for taking up smoking, I know! Ha ha!…. but that is not all! NO! We…..have….yes…..a cat!  But since those tests were done over 20 years ago, I have had a couple of cats and the worst thing that happens to me is getting annoyed that the cat gets on the table an knocks over a glass of water which can ruin the wood. So, nothing ever came up in my 30 plus years that I was allergic to any pollens or anything else. Until now. I started having headaches and a stuffy head. All of my sinuses were completely clogged, so much so that my face hurt. I was having leaky eyes in the night and I know it sounds gross, but I had to unstick my eyes in the morning  just to see. Then I started getting a cough, and feeling less energetic. Every now and then I would feel a boost of energy, but not enough to make me completely feel well.

It all came to a head. I had had enough of this feeling like reheated garbage. It was terrible. Not to mention the fact that I was actually craving disgusting food. I wanted to eat  junk food, and french fries. I know, it is summer, and its easy to feel lazy, but it is even easier to go to my fridge and pick up an orange. I decided enough was enough and I made a fruit juice. That made me feel so much better almost instantly. Then, I had a veggie wrap and some grapes and strawberries. My head felt like I was dizzy. My hands were shaking… bad that I needed to go get my neice to come with me to the grocery store because I was afraid that I would fall, or that I couldn’t handle my kids by myself….. this is admittedly….shameful.  I went and bought some veggies and fruit and went home and made some fresh salads and made a healthy dinner for my family and I. After dinner I had to lie down because my head felt like it just came out of a paint mixer. Not fun. I eventually got up and went outside for some fresh air, watched my kids ride their bikes up and down the block. When my kids went to bed, so did I. This didn’t help. My spins had left me, as well as the shakes, but I didn’t get to sleep until after 3 am.

I do feel much better, with exception of the lack of sleep. I go to see a holistic nutritionist today. She will check me for all allergies and tell me what I need to eat, or not eat….or vitamins etc. I am very excited to go see her and see what she has to say.

I know for a fact that all of this could have been prevented if I ate as well as the rest of my family. I have to take the time at night to make myself a juice for the next morning. I have to make myself a lunch…. and eat it. My body is important. If I don’t take care of it, I cannot take care of anything or anyone else I care about. I had lost sight of the importance of healthy eating and was focusing on what had to be done for the business and for everyone else. Putting others ahead of me, I am completely guilty. I am a very mothering and sometime overbearing, over caring person, I have to use that to my advantage and just look in the mirror sometimes.

If you plan to eat a vegan diet, make sure you do your research on all of the supplements and things that you have to eat to stay healthy. We chose this lifestyle because it makes sense to us. We find that eating animal products is not necessary to life a healthy life, as long as you do it right. Not everyone is on board with our change, our families are having a terrible time accepting this. I am not certain as to why. It is what we eat, not who we are, but it does not make people less judgemental. It would be easier to tell my family that I am gay, than I am vegan. Sad, isn’t it?

Anyway, I will share the results of my appointment, and what she said to me. I am hoping it is enlightening, I am pretty sure it will be. This is the first time seeing a nutritionist and not a doctor for a health issue! I might be on my way to a complete naturalistic lifestyle! Just fulfilling my self-made prophecy of becoming a child of the earth… which we all are, just that I will accept it a little easier.

Stay sweet!  Peace!  Ha Ha!

Fresh & Clean

16 Jun

So, it has been about 3 months in the brand new location and I can tell you that I am so happy! My staff is happier as well! Like a breath of fresh air has been taken in by the whole business.breathing clean We cleared out our lungs of all the negativity surrounding the other location and now we are breathing clean! My staff are more efficient, we are more cokelike family than we ever were! 

We can now offer more for our customers, I just brought in a fancy retro Coca-Cola cooler with glass
bottled pop, juice and water, we make coffee and tea and there is seating! It’s Awesome! Fresh bread on Fridays and more baked goods every day.

It has also relaxed me a little bit more. There is no landlord that is in my back pocket and right behind me at every turn. There are windows that open and I finally have an office. Mind you, its a very tiny little piece of space, but it is mine and I can get things done! What a relief! I still stress, like every  business owner, but now I can focus on things in an even manner.  It’s more balanced for me. I am also getting the manager more on board with….. that’s right….managing! So many places are undermanaged its ridiculous! And I know that my place was no exception! It makes it hard for the manager to do her job when I am always here to butt in and take the lead. I know now that I was not allowing her to work to her full potential. So, now on Thursdays and Fridays, I put on my headphones and listen to classical music while working. This relaxes me in such a way that I can decorate cakes more efficiently. I am telling my staff what is going on, that Shanna is in training, and they can come to me for some things, just not every thing. Shanna has to be the go-to person for most. I see her improvement already. She is doing much better now that I am more out of the way.

I am so proud of everything and everyone! My shop, my employees, and all that entails.

My home life is awesome too! What more could I want? Besides someone to do my laundry for me!!? My  hubby is great with the kids and he makes all the meals as well! I do cook, but he always takes the lead at home and I never have to do it! I would definitely be up a creek if he stopped! That is what he does for a living as well….so I tell myself that he is more qualified anyway! That is my way of not feeling as guilty! ha ha!

My kids are so big now! 5 and 7! And so smart! Geez! My 7 year old is a little genius! He soaks information like a sponge and he is witty. We laugh at him all the time….this is his choosing. We dont just point and laugh! ha ha! He does some pretty strange things! Dancing crazy and just acting! What a ham!  My little guy is 5 now and he is starting to read well. He does not like to show us how smart he is though. He could read a book to me at his bed time, but he won’t. We will get half way through the book with him reading it to me, then he gets embarrassed and stops. He is naturally shy, but I’m his mommy!

My family and I just made a major change in our home as well, we became Vegan!vegan Oooohhh no! What do we eat? How do we do it? What about protein? All of this has been said to us…… I just tell people that we did our research and it is what we choose. I don’t preach to people, but I answer questions when they are posed to me. I get alot of negative responses. I am not sure why. We aren’t hurting anyone, we are healthy and we are concerned with our childrens health as well. We try to go non gmo as much as we can. Part of the Fresh and Clean!

That’s is a subject”for another day though!