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Steady Onto Normal

3 Nov

It has happened! My dad has called me!happy_little_girl_speaking_by_cell_phone_canvas-re895f87f10194fa48d935152d8b115ba_2aw2w_8byvr_512 You have no idea the relief that I felt when I saw the number show up on the phone! I was so frazzled as a matter of fact, that I dropped the phone! It just slipped through my fingers, which made the phone turn off completely, so I had to wait to turn it on and let it do it’s thing before I could dial the number back! I was kind of hesitant on how to talk, but he just started talking to me like nothing had happened, that is the country way after all! We talked for about half an hour about everything that had gone on in the time we hadn’t spoken, he spoke to the boys as well. After the phone call, I felt so much better! Like a weight had been lifted I suppose, but the kind that sits not on your shoulders, but in your neck somehow.

I know that he read my letter. Whether he agreed with me or not, he called. That is all that matters. I hope this issue will be a non issue for the rest of time! We are vegan, we will stay vegan, and it is going to be harder to have no gmo’s in our home as well. Since my dad is a farmer, and he uses beans that have been treated, this is going to be very tough for him, but our choice is not his.GMO-free-label This is all I can offer for consolation to him. I will in turn have to live with the fact that my parents cannot guarantee that our children don’t intake gmo’s while they have them under their care. can’t even guarantee that for my kids, I can’t expect them to do it. I am scared to get cancer. I am scared for my husband and children as well. I do not want my children to be unhealthy. I know they are not, and their health just gets better the more my husband and I educate ourselves, but I worry just the same. I cannot control what they eat forever. At some point, maybe one of them will want to eat meat when they are grown. I cannot stop this. I can only guide the choices they make while I am raising them.

On another note, I called my parents on Sunday. I reached my mother. This was awkward a little as well! I know that she knows and she knows that I know, kind of thing. She did not mention the letters either, or what happened between us. We exchanged information, and we both said “sorry” I suppose in our own ways. She told me that she saw something where they made some sort of cream or something from cashews.hand This, I gathered was her telling me that she would support us. It gets hard to read between the lines. I do not like to do it, but I have to. I would rather say things, or write them down and let the other person know. This is not the way my parents were raised I suppose. Although, my dad is quicker to speak his feelings to me than my mother. He really is a caring and loving person, his pride and stubbornness get in the way sometimes. He is a little (lot) cranky too! Ha ha!  So, mom spoke to the boys, she is planning to take them for a weekend. I think they both missed the boys. Ah, forget that, everyone missed everyone. It has been a whole month since I have seen my parents! That is too long. I am proud to say, “I want my mommy!”

Now, that we are almost back on track, we are going steady onto normal. It won’t be immediate, but we have to start somewhere! empath-a-blessing-and-curse

I look forward to seeing my parents, having them around me, and watching them love my children. I am an extension of all of those I hold close to me. I absorb emotions. This is why my opinions are so strong and my own emotions are almost exaggerated. I have to hear myself, I have to recognize my own emotions amongst everyone elses. My love is deep, which makes it easy to hurt me as well. You know, things just aren’t realized until you speak them aloud or write them down! Epiphany? Maybe!

All in all….. I am happy right now. happy