Archive | August, 2015

It Takes a Village

20 Aug

Having children was always a dream for me,  I knew I wanted to be a mother, even at the age of 9 years old. When people ask me what I thought I would be as an adult when I was younger, I cannot think of anything except for being a mother. I didn’t even have dreams of a wedding or any typical young girl dreams, just motherhood.

When I had my first son, I was a little overwhelmed at first, but nature took over and it was smooth sailing once I got into the swing of things. It was Morley and I together all day. My husband was working a day shift, so it was just my little monkey and I, and I think I took about 4000 pictures just in the first 6 months! I went out everywhere! I don’t know what it is, but I wanted to be out in public…. It might be that I was on mat leave and needed to get out of the house, but I can safely bet that it was the fact that I wanted everyone to see my baby! He was (and still is) so adorable! Chubby little cheeks, perfect little lips and a smile that could melt anyone’s heart!

It really is a shame that the second child does not get as much one on one attention with mommy! If I could change things at all when they were both little….. I just might! I think that I would have put cakes on the back burner and focus on my family more. I am very thankful for everything that I have been blessed with, but the time you get with your children is precious and fleeting to say the least! They grow way too fast and holding them in your arms is something of the past.

I am proud of my children, and even though they try my patience and still need lots of guidance, they are great little human beings! They are loving and thoughtful, sensitive and smart. It wasn’t all from my husband and I though, even though, we will take most of the credit! haha! It comes down to everyone who is around my children. My mother and father have taught and influenced them through their years so far, and they learn something new every time they come home from grandma and grandpa’s……  mostly good stuff…. some things I just roll my eyes! ha ha!

Of course, there is school and the teachers, which have more influence on the kids than they realize! I remember things I was taught from my kindergarten teacher! Yes, I still remember!

Then, there is our direct neighbourhood. My oldest is alot like me when it comes to people…. we are not shy and we make fast friends. So, they were seeing me go from neighbour to neighbour, talking and helping everyone that I could/can, and they started tagging along and learning people’s names and talking to everyone as well. Now, I have created thee socialites of our street! They are now allowed to cross the street on their own….and of course I am watching!  They go to Mike and Edie’s, they say hi to Sue on their way, they say hi to Chuck and to Steve and Garth, of course…. on their way to Tim and Nicole’s house! Tim is a carpentar, and is working on his house. Anything with wood and building draws Morley in like a magnet, and anything Morley is drawn to, Adam follows. Now, this beautiful couple who live across the street from me, is more like an Aunt and Uncle to my children. Tim has such patience and teaches my kids so much! Morley is really blossoming! Adam is coming out of his shell, and he will ask to go see Mike and Edie all by himself now! This is alot from the little guy who used to hide behind my legs when someone would say hi!

On my side of the street are all of the kids! There are about 10 small children and they all know each other, and the parents know each other. We are all parents to all the kids!

I cannot teach my kids everything and be there for every experience that they have, and control everything that they hear or say, I do trust my neighbourhood, or my little village. Everyone around us has had a part in raising my children. I fully believe that it does take a village to raise a child. And, as long as I surround my kids with positive and friendly influences, I will have nothing to worry about!

Thank you Neighbourhood. Thank you C Street Village!

Elissa, Kyle, Mike, Edie, Sue, Dave, Dale, Jenn, Jenn, Jake, Steve, Kim, Garth, Tim, Nicole(Nickel), Chuck, Sheila, Mandy, Oral, Olga, Mr. George, you are all a positive influence and I am very grateful!

Oh Yes! Mother of the Year…..

19 Aug

Those of you with children might understand this completely, and other mothers might not get it. There are some people with a crazy super power when it comes to dealing with children, it’s an ability that others wish they had all the time……its called…..Patience! Now, don’t get me wrong, I have an amount of patience, but there is a limit, and my children find it all the time! Maybe it is just the summer time, when they complain that they are bored, or it could just be my kids! My oldest son is always begging to do something different or go somewhere different, or just not go home once we have gone out somewhere. He always wants more and what he has is never good enough. I am not sure where this behaviour stemmed from, but it sure wasn’t my hubby and I! I know, it could be that his mind works crazy fast and he always needs stimulation to his brain….. but I cannot function like that!

I have no idea what to keep him busy with! They have a certain amount of chores (which I have not made them do in the last 2 months) and he has piano and swim. I started making them both do homework sheets again, hopefully this will calm him down a little, and get them ready to go back to school! I need to plan and get things ready for him to do to stay busy. Maybe I should make a jar of things to do when he says he is bored! That would solve things! I could put chores and fun things to do in the jar, so it will be more enticing to try his luck! I just might do that!

So, for the beginning of the day, I get up and leave the house to go to work before anyone is awake. I don’t see my kids all day until I get home from work. All day I am thinking of my kids and what we can do, or what I can keep them busy with, or just how to spend the night with them, maybe movies and popcorn, maybe a walk…etc. What happens when I get home is not what was in my head all day. I get home and my hubby yells “Mom’s home!”, my youngest son is usually the one to come running to say hi to me, give me a hug and a kiss. The oldest is somewhere doing something, or some of the time he comes to the door and without saying hi, just starts complaining what daddy wouldn’t let him do, or what his brother did to him, or he is asking me for something. Ugh! I just wanted a nice hello, maybe a hug when I get home. But, I don’t even have my shoes off and it starts already!

I talk to my husband for a little bit before dinner and he is usually telling me about the trying day with the kids, or about some news or something that happened at work last night. We have dinner. Morley (8) is complaining about the supper and asking what is for dessert already, Adam (6) is not eating properly, his chair is all askew and he has his entire dinner on his lap or on his face….anywhere other than where it should be. Morley is trying to make deals on how much he should eat in order to get a popsicle and Adam is telling us how much he does not want to eat at all. Morley complains, Adam complains. Morley gets out of his chair to get water, or to get a cloth or to look at the temperature outside……. I have had enough! This is when it all hits me. I just want to sit down and have a nice dinner with my family before my husband goes to work and I have to clean up and make sure the kids don’t kill each other for the rest of the night.

I feel like I am clinging to sanity by one little thread. And, I don’t lose it on them completely, I let them know that they need to act appropriately and to appreciate what they do have and not keep on wanting more. I can only repeat things so many times though.

It’s hot, we don’t have any air conditioning at home right now and my oldest son is a furnace. When he wants something or when he feels blue, or even when he is happy, he wants hugs and cuddles…. I am a Big woman! I am a furnace already and adding heat to the fire is even worse. I feel terrible when I have to tell him to get off of me. He pouts and sulks and I feel terrible of course!

Some days I feel like I just can’t win. I want to have so much fun and quality time with my kids, playing with them and teaching, exploring with them, but it never ends up that way. We do have days of fun, where everyone is happy and there are minimal fights and disciplines, but I wish it would happen more often!

I always feel like I could be a better mother, I never feel completely happy with my parenting at the end of each day. I always think about what more I could have done, or how much more patience I should have had, or that certain chores could have waited so I could pay attention to them. I hope I am not the only one who feels like this! As soon as I became a mother, I felt guilty for everything! I guess it will never go away!

So, Cheers to all the mothers like myself! Mothers of the Year, all of us, who think at every moment that we could be doing better, striving to become the perfect parent for our children!

It’s Hot in the Kitchen

18 Aug

Summer is great! People are a little more carefree, kids are playing outside, barbecues are happening and vacations are had! There are definitely more birthday parties to make cakes for! People are getting dozens of cupcakes at a time for parties, and it’s great for all of us, it gives my employees more hours and we have a good flow of traffic in the shop. BUT…….

It’s HOT! It’s really hot. Last year we had air conditioning. Well….some thieves took care of that situation. You know, you really can’t leave an air conditioner in the window without nailing down the window to the air conditioner….yep….someone will crank it out of the window and there they have it….an entrance! BOO I say, BOO! So, now that I have learned a very expensive lesson, we no longer have the cool refreshing air in the kitchen any longer.

I am usually okay with it, I haven’t had air conditioning in my shop since I started doing cakes, so there is not really any change there at all. We cope and do things differently. I end up periodically buying popsicles for my employees and I urge them to take more breaks….. they never listen!

We had a cool day last week and I loved it! The breeze drifts in the windows and screen doors….oh, it’s heavenly! It makes me want autumn to get here pronto. I love autumn, the summer is not my friend. I am a bigger woman, and I have lots of insulation already, adding heat to it, only makes me feel like I am melting from the inside out.

In any case, we are still here, we still make beautiful cakes for our customers and they are getting more fun all of the time. We just made a cake that looked like the evil clown Pennywise from IT! I love those ones! The cakes that put me in a zone! I don’t feel the heat as much! ha ha!

Well….. time to check the cupcakes!

The Secret Code

13 Aug

I remember the days when I would be playing with my friends and we didn’t really care about much, mostly, about making the most of our day before it became dark and we had to come inside for the night. Now, things are completely different. Instead, now we have to worry about bills and lessons for the kids, supper, work, and debt….the never ending debt. Along with all of that, we have to be conscious of our words to everyone at all times.

If, as an adult we speak what we think, or speak unguarded, we can be thought of as a “little off”, or obnoxious, and then there is the worry about what to say or not to say to specific people. This is soooo tiring, and maybe I need to relax and stop trying to please everyone, or find people who can focus on the real person I am instead of trying to read into everything that comes out of my mouth. I find though, that the minute that I stop trying to please people or just say what I think, everyone is mad at me, and they take what I say the wrong way every time. I am not a jerk,I do not say offensive things and I am polite and I don’t have super strong opinions on issues that just want to make people walk away from me. In relative terms, I’m pretty normal(he he… I called myself normal!). I mean nothing else besides what is coming out of my mouth. That is it.

It feels like at times I need to know a secret code on adult language in order to not piss everyone off, or to make people think that I am narcissistic.I try to remember how my mom sounded to others when I was younger, and she was a straight arrow, said what she thought without hurting anyone, and I remember her always avoiding certain things that were “sensitive”, but she was and is very black and white. I don’t remember anyone being mad at her for her words, but I was a kid and maybe she had the same issues that I am having now.

Another thing, as a side thought, since when is it bad to have a good self image? It isn’t and we ingrain this in our child’s minds, but as soon as an adult says something about being proud about something with themselves or shows people something that they have made or did, it becomes showboating and they are shunned or mocked for it, as soon as the proud person turns around, people are rolling their eyes and talking to one another about him/her. I can’t wait for the day that everyone is just happy with being, the day that we all realize that being different from one another is a positive thing and that life and people are interesting. Everyone has a story.

Someone the other day had met a family member of mine, and recently told me how nice he thought she was. Now, she is a knock out, tall, beautiful complexion, and very long legs, but more than this, she is a great person. In jest, I asked him why he couldn’t tell we were related….we look exactly alike… ha ha! If you have never seen me, I am medium height and plump. We look nothing alike and I use this as a joke. But, other than that, I told him that it’s funny that I used to babysit her and we really didn’t have much to do with each other until 8 years ago, and even then, we didn’t become super close until about 2 years ago or so. In that time, we have both found out how alike we are, and it blows our minds every time!

Now I didn’t say this to him to be narcissistic or to be all about me, it was just something that I thought of at the time. I do not put myself on a pedestal, I never have and never will. But I am sure this conversation was taken the wrong way completely. I had no meaning of telling this person that I am great and nice as well, it was just a relation topic, maybe an explanation of our relationship to one another. But I thought about it later, and the misreading of what I said came to my mind. And, if I thought about it hours later, I am sure someone thought about it seconds after I had said it.

I absolutely hate this. I always get heard wrong or when someone thinks that I say one thing, I didn’t really, and then they stop listening so I can’t even tell them what I actually said.

This really sounds like a poor me story, but oh well…..

Poor me! Ha ha! Just kidding. It’s a vent. An explanation as it were on all of those poor sods out there like me, who are always misjudged, or heard wrong or our words are translated wrong in others heads.

But seriously, why do we have to be so sensitive to what we think we heard or what we think was implied? Can’t we just react to facts? And accept the things that people say for what they say, not what is implied. Implications cause a lot of harm, especially when people assume what they are. Can’t we just speak honestly?

It’s pretty refreshing to hear my children talk when I get home. I like to hear their honesty, their pure thoughts without anything to sway them one way or the other. Like when my one son acts like his brothers bum is a drum! ha ha! Or when they say honest things to adults. We are the ones who tell children about the politics of speaking to people. I understand we have to guide our kids and not say rude things about others, but honestly is sometimes flushed down the toilet too. If only there was a handbook to life!

In any case, I am going to keep being me, and if people think of me something other than what I am or who I am, it is a reflection on their way of thinking, not mine.

Damn this adult secret code!

Skinned Knees

7 Aug

Do you know what it’s like to stub your toe? Of course…. everyone has done it. Now, think about doing that everyday for a month! Well, that is what my son is going through right now. I don’t know whether his feet are growing or his legs are getting longer, but he is clumsy as all get out right now, the poor guy!

I think in the last 2 weeks he has skinned his knee, he fell up the stairs, he fell  face first into a brick pillar and he took a nose dive into the gravel driveway! He is usually pretty good about falling and hurting himself, he dusts himself off and gets up like a brave little guy, but the face into the pillar, that cry was explosive! It wasn’t the regular whiny cry that lets you know that your child is hurt, this was the burst out wailing kind of cry. His face looked so terrible, it brought tears to my eyes. Right on his cheek, and just missed his eye. Lucky little dude, it didn’t go as far as his eye.

I do think that it is going to get worse before it gets better. There are going to be plenty of cuts, scrapes and bruises from both of them! It’s just starting! Nevermind the injuries that they inflict on each other!

I kind of remember being a kid and growing quickly, I had pains in my chins and by the time I hit grade 4 I had size 8 shoes and was taller than the teacher. Since then, I am quite and average height, but I am sure that my mother was kind of scared for a while! My family is rather tall in stature. My tallest cousin is 7′ tall…. I’m thinking….man, I hope my kids aren’t that tall. It really sucks to find clothes for tall people. Pants are always too short and shirts tend to be wider the bigger that you get. So, you get a shirt that fits in length, but not the width.

Well, right now, I better go buy some more band aids and ice packs for the pending injuries to come! It’s time for growth, and yes, there is pain! I feel for my little guys, and I have to keep in mind that I can’t catch them for every fall, but I can kiss the boo boos!

Relativity

6 Aug

I’m tired of being tired. My mind makes me tired and sometimes I don’t know how to turn it off. It causes stress and anxiety and distracts me from the things that really matter.

Rest, I need to rest my mind, to ease up on the thoughts running through my head, which make me hold my breath and clench my jaw tight.

Love and understanding is what I have with my children and my husband. I will fight through, I will get past all of this and find my peaceful place, the place that I used to be before the stress. I will be fun again, I will find myself again,

I will not apologize for who I was, who I am or who I am going to be. My life is my voyage, others join my ride, but nobody can stay for the whole trip.

I will learn to stop judging myself so harshly. Not everyone in the world will like me, agree with me, talk to me or think that I am beautiful, Not everyone is worth my time, and I am not worth everyone’s time as well.

The world is a large place, the earth is a tiny part of the milky way, which is a tiny part of the entire space around us. Not everything is a big deal, and if I think it is, it is just me.

I go through struggles in life just like everyone else, the depth of our struggles is relative.

Everything is relative.

I just need to live my life how I see fit, without hurting others, and raise my beautiful children and Love.

I’m okay.