Which Road To Paradise?

3 Jun

We all make our own paths in life. We pave the way ourselves and choose different directions to go that lead us to where we are at this moment. I do not believe in regret, and even though, not every  decision I have made was the best one, in the end, it was the best one for me at the moment. Clarity, as we all know, comes after the fact. I know I am not alone in this! Now, since I have been trying to write a book of my life, I have had to do some digging into my memories and kicking up dust around those that I have tried to forget. This, is very therapeutic. When I rehash these moments, I cringe, but when I write them down, it is a way of letting them go and seeing it new. I can actually think about the person (me) who things have happened to and see it a new way. I always felt like the victim, the one who was always the one who got hurt or abused in numerous different ways, but now…. I see the strength in it. I see the patterns my life has taken and the reasons I have been drawn to certain people during my lifetime. I did break that chain years ago….and once I saw the other side….well….there was no stopping me. I will take happiness every time now! I am done with doing what others think that I should do. I am finished with keeping up appearances, it is now old hat for me to conform with others, to do what is expected. I am a 37 year old mother of two, a wife and a business owner, a daughter, a friend and an aunt, I choose HAPPINESS.

I often thought in my earlier years of my past choices and always thought ‘ what was I thinking?’. And, yes, alot of that is true! I mean, I was engaged 3 times for Pete’s sake! 3! Man oh man, when I think about what my mother thought every time I told her I was engaged…. geez! Talk about putting her on a roller coaster! But I often thought that if I had made a different decision that things would have turned out so much better. That I would have gone to University and became a true Graphic Artist/Designer, that I would have gotten a job that paid an ungodly amount of money and that I would have a huge house and a perfect family.

Now that I think about it…. I don’t want that at all, and I don’t know if I ever did. I remember  thinking about how old I would be in the year 2000. I would be 23 and what would I look like and would I have a boyfriend? Would I be married? It’s funny that when I was 13 all I could dream about was getting married and having children! That’s where my paradise is! Well, I have hit it! I have my loving husband, I have 2 beautiful children and I have both parents still (thank heaven!). Now, I have to think about the things that are causing me stress and anxiety. That, would be the business. I love what I do, I love making people happy and I love baking. I do not, however, love stress! The business end of things is really wearing on my mind, which turns into stress in the body! I need to find a path that will make me happier. Maybe that means hiring a book keeper! Ha ha!

In any case, my road that I have taken, has lead me to my own perfect paradise that I had dreams about when I was a teenager. Where is your paradise? Money is never the answer, I have found. There are statistics that show the happiest people in the world are those who don’t have much money. They find pleasure in simple things, like rain and a dinner with the family, or going to school. Happiness is relative too I believe. Maybe we should all just take a step back and see the truth to our unhappiness. It isn’t the new iPhone that makes us happy, or the new SUV we just bought. Those things can leave you empty. How about the people around you, or the times where you can appreciate nature and just being healthy and alive, or the children you have, or the pets you love.

You might want to take the trip to paradise, but you have to find what your own personal paradise is.

Man, I sound like a self help book! Geez!

Anyways, don’t regret! I am trying really hard to not worry about things that I cannot change. There you have it! Ha ha!

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