Trust Yourself

25 Apr

I went out today to run a couple of errands. I ran into an old acquaintance! It was great to see him and his son, who now towers over him! This man, is also the brother of someone I used to hold quite dear. She was my closest friend for 12 years. We met on the job and became quick friends. During the whole time, I was a very dedicated and generous friend. I listened, I was there, I just knew how to make her feel good about herself and I didn’t have to speak to her everyday, we just picked up where we left off. In the last year of our friendship, something changed. I started growing up and having different opinions and morals and even values. My family is the most important and I was learning that I was important as well. I needed to take care of myself in order to take care of my family. No more nights of drinking, no more hangovers, no more hanging out in garages and smoking and staying up until all hours and having my kids suffer for it. I was the person who would be spritely and upbeat in the morning. I no longer liked myself when I was with her. I could not see eye to eye with her on our very different parenting skills, but I soon found out that she was not the person that I had known for the last 11 years. Then I questioned how much of her experiences and stories that she told me were twisted to make her look innocent. Every relationship that she had during that time that would turn bad, they were always the man’s fault? Hmmm. Somethings just don’t add up. I began to see. I also realized that I was growing and evolving and she was not. I also saw how used I was in the friendship. How many times had I run to her? I put my own life on hold to help her or to be with her. I gave her everything I could. When I trust someone, I love them and I would do anything for them. She took advantage. And she lied to my son. This, I will never forgive her for. She hurt me, but I let her go. She will never hurt me again. I decided to release the bad from my life. Let all the negative people go. I let another person go out of my life in the same time. She was in my life for over 30 years until I could see that she was the same as the other.

This is when I started questioning all of my judgement on people for the last 30 years of my life. But, it was too late to look back now. I was opening a new chapter. A new me. One without any fleshy anchors weighing me down, spiritually and emotionally.

So, As I welcomed a big hug from the former friends brother, I was at peace. It was good to see him, and he was happy to see me as,I know all too well about his struggles with his sister. He let me in on a little bit of insight on what is happening nowadays. And, as he is telling me about the circle of crap that he has to deal with and the fact that he avoids her and his other brother as much as possible, for the same reasons….this just empowered my feelings on my decisions that  I had made with letting her go out of my life 4 years ago. I do trust myself. I will be strong, I will not question whether I should speak to her again, Thank you “J”, for letting me know that I made a good decision, and I am always going to have an open heart and ear towards him, his wife and sons if ever they need to vent. I know your struggle.

Just remember, when you make a tough decision, that actually makes your heart ache, go with it, Stick to your original thoughts and don’t question. If you feel it’s right for you,,,,, do it. You will see in a time. it could be 3 months, it could be 4 years, or it could be instant, that you are better for it!

Trust Yourself

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