Archive | March, 2015

Slow it Down! Look Around!

30 Mar

With the extremely busy life that I have, it sometimes feels like I am caught up in a tornado. Life passing by so quickly, some things happen, and it feels like I didn’t even notice, or make a memory! I look at the kids, and it makes me want to just put life on slow motion! I want to be able to just take off my stress at the door, like a jacket when I get home. Then I would be free and clear to be care free and happy mommy. If life were like that, I think we would all do that! But, then again, who would want to put that jacket back on? Not me!

I sometimes lose sight of the little things that kids find funny and amusing, and also the things that they can find challenging. They are at an age now that they can do things for themselves, but not everything. It’s the most difficult to remember with my oldest son, who is a little advanced for his age, and his humour is a little older as well, which makes things a little harder for me and my hubby. We might expect more out of him, but then, he expects more from us, he is pretty demanding actually. Always wanting more and always challenging the parental authority. Very annoying! IMG_9557

With the shop, employees, lessons, kids, lessons, husband, housework, etc, its very hard to just slow down. I have about an hour after the kids go to bed before I turn into the living dead, so, sometimes I watch a show, sometimes I do housework, and sometimes (more than most times) I paint and plan the organizing and such of the house! I want to create a warm and welcoming home for my family, and I have realized that I may be occupying my precious time that I spend with my kids, distracted. I am always distracted! What has to be done tomorrow at the shop, who has to go to what lessons, and appointments, the money situation at home and the shop, how I can organize a small home with 4 people and keep it functioning and clean. I really need to slow down…. look around and see those two precious baby boys of mine and enjoy who they are. Listen to them, not shush them. Join in with the song they are singing and laugh when they are goofy. I do this stuff, but not as much as I should, just like doing the dishes! I really should do them more than I do….  and the dreaded work of laundry. Not that I am comparing the much needed one on one time with my children with dishes, its not like its a huge chore to be with my kids, its the fact that I have to think about it and actually do it, focus and do it! I think I just might go play legos with my kids right now! My oldest is always asking me to play with him….. I hate being on the floor cross legged for a long period of time…. I feel like I sound like a creeky door when I get up! Which, reminds me that I found my first white hair on my head! What the *&^* is that? I am not even forty, and before you roll your eyes and think something like, I have had grey hair for years….. I am not you….this is my head and I have NEVER come across any lighter than blonde coloured hairs! How dare my skull do something so rude! Oh, I had some choice words for it alright! I am a natural blonde, it has started getting darker, which I came to terms with, and I have naturally curly hair, so, this little white hair came popping out of my skull, it was like a beacon for all others to grow and join it! This bandit it wiry and almost straight! Don’t think that it is still in my head! I plucked that little bugger out as soon as I saw it! Now, I see more! I guess that is what happens though…. change is imminent.

IMG_9637And, so, now, since I see so much change around me, my kids getting huge and sassy, and my dog getting old and having to pee every half hour, my hair going white…. I must take the time to slow and see….just look and listen and enjoy. I love my children with all my heart, so now, Im gonna play! Please pray for my legs and my feet!

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And Here it Comes!

25 Mar

It is almost the end of March….time flies! It is the time for all the birthdays! Once April comes around, the bakery is crazy! I think everyone knows someone that has an April birthday! In anticipation of the busy season, I am enjoying the time that I can get off early and be with my family! Gearing up is the worst! I start getting anxious! All of the things run through my mind of what has to be ordered, people I need to train and my budget! I can feel my shoulders getting tight just thinking about it!

It’s a really good thing that I have Shanna. My best friend, my neice, and the manager of my store! She never lets me down! Other than my husband, she is the one that is always there for me! Alot of people ask us if we are sisters…and in spirit, we are….some people compare us to an old married couple! Ha ha! That’s what we act like when we are bickering  with each other, then we hug it out!

Shanna knows this too, we are gearing up for another busy season. These times are nuts for us! I usually have 12-14 hour days on a regular basis, and the rest of the staff have 12-14 hour days on Fridays, sometimes Thursdays as well. These people are my second family. I hold everyone pretty tight to my heart!

I just started to advertise in a local wedding magazine, which will increase sales this year as well….and the new location that is so amazing, just never disappoints me! I am so glad we moved! And so is my staff!

Here we go….. time to dig in, get cake boards made, organize the kitchen and start ordering supplies to keep our stock up so we aren’t scrambling when we have a busy week. Weddings, birthdays, baby showers, wedding showers, retirements, etc. Everyone wants to celebrate in the nicer weather…. and we want to provide the baked goods for it! Also, with the new products we are making, things are getting busier! Christmas time, I was swamped with pie orders! Buttertarts, squares, pies etc…. whew! That was a busy time!

I can’t wait for another wonderful year, and for all of those who read this and are a customer or friend, I thank you as well. If I didn’t have your support, I just wouldn’t be here!

Love you all!  We are raring to go!

A New Perspective

24 Mar

We go through life, trying to struggle to either find ourselves or trying to make people understand why we are how we are. Everyone has a journey and every journey is different. We handle situations differently and all have pasts that tend to guide us into our reactions. There is a reason for every way that people react and handle things the way they do. Who are we to judge another person’s struggle with life, or choices they make?

With that being said, my eyes have started to open. I used to be one of “those” people who judge quietly. Not hurting anyone, but really poisoning my own mind with judgement onto others. I have been so wrong. I feel terrible. But the truth has found me. I know that sounds so cliche and religious…. I don’t mean it to be. But my mind has cleared of all the fog and the residue of the negative. Now, all traces of negativity has not vanished completely, I would have to meditate every day for hours to get rid of it, even then, I am human.

This past 12 months have been challenging for me and my family, with the change of our diets, and really being open to a new mindset. My husband calls me “new age” in my thinking. I just call it, me. Or, my own truth.

I am in a different place than I was 12 months ago. I am constantly evolving now, mind and body and spirit.

This, is my place, however, I have not considered that through my journey (which is still in progress) my family is seeing me change and become someone different than I was before. This is hard for them. I realize this now. I should not be upset when a member of my family judges me harshly, or does not agree with me about how I should live my life. Granted, it is my choice to live how I seem fit, but, I should not expect them to change their view of me. I have been going through this journey on my own and I have not shared everything with them, so they have no idea who I am anymore. I know that my choices to not change who I am, I am still the same person, but its hard to seperate that when you are a parent.

I feel like I have been seeing their reactions with one eye. I need to see the bigger picture. I am the one that changed. They are dealing with it. And, they are dealing with it the way they know how. It might not be the best reactions or most supportive, but it is still a reaction that means that they care.

So, the next time a loved one picks apart the way you do things or, they think you should do things the way they would do it….take it to the bare bones and see their reaction for what it truly is. The meaning behind it. It isn’t always negative. It could just be fear, the fact that they might not understand, and the fact that you have changed.

I have a new perspective, I will keep an open mind.

Just because I have changed, does not mean all that love me are ready for my change, or agree with my change. I just need to give them time, and not judge them harshly for their reactions.

Silence

19 Mar

We live in a busy world, with busy lives and busy brains and muscles….. we forget to relax, and to be even more honest, we relaxhave no idea what relaxing is. Relaxing is not sitting down after the kids go to bed and scrolling through facebook feeds, it is not watching television, it is not playing on our phones or tablets either. All of those are mindless activities that do not quiet our body or mind. It has been proven in fact, that it is harder for people to get  a good nights rest after they have been on a computer or gadget.

I know, I know, there are alot of you who roll your eyes, who say, “who cares”. but we need to learn, we have to teach ourselves. We are too stressed out, we carry alot of weight on our shoulders and we lose sight of the important things. I have learned the hard way. I have been stuck in a bad place for a long time with my stress level and my weight, which is cause and effect really. It also comes out in your personality, and how our temper comes out, or depression kicks in. I want to seriously avoid depression, there is a lot of it infecting my family, and I want to steer clear!

You don’t have to be spiritual or be a “hippie” to learn to find yourself under all of the baggage of everyday life. Once you do this, once you have found relaxation, you will definitely feel it when you are stressed and you don’t relax.

There are numerous professionals that I have gone to in order to learn how to cope, how to find where my stress is coming from and how to deal with it. There are a few who have helped me from the inside, really guided me to finding me, and letting me come to terms the things that I already knew, but I was just hiding from myself. Others were a surface fix. Something that felt wonderful at the time, but didnt really help in the long run, this is why we need to help ourselves.

The first thing that I learned to appreciate is the quiet. With my busy life, being a boss of 4 staff members, running a bakery, decorating, doing the books and having a family and a household to run, let alone trying to visit and keep in touch with family, it rarely happens that I get some silence. When I did get some quiet, I would sit down and turn on the tv. I think I was scared of the quiet. Maybe because I was not used to listening to myself. My brain would work differently, I would think alot, I wouldn’t want to think all of my thoughts because there were things that I didn’t want to deal with…now, some things…ever. But I learned so much from myself when I listened to myself, I let myself stay still and quiet. I focused on my memories, or worries, or stresses. I listened to my body….yes, your body does speak to you. Anyone can listen to their body. Just close your eyes and breathe, deep long breaths, and what is your body saying? Mine is saying….take this bra off! ha ha!Benefits-of-meditation-2

I did not do any stretching last night, or yoga, or meditation, and I had some very salty snacks last night…..wow, do I ever feel terrible today! I have learned what it feels like to be relaxed and be in sync with my body, and now that I have mistreated it for a night, it is telling me where to go! Ha ha! I won’t make that mistake again!

When you are looking for that “something” that makes you relax, please don’t mistake numbing your brain and body with relaxation. I have found alot of new hobbies, which have become habits that help me control my feelings, and stresses and just calm me down. I have found a profound love of playing the piano. I truly am passionate about this, and I would be heartbroken if I could not do it any longer. I also love to paint, and not necessarily pictures, but walls. I do not paint my walls with a roller, every room in my house has been painted with a brush by my hand. I love this action, I get a lot of gratification from painting. My mind is taken somewhere else, and I am myself. I love listening to classical music when I walk and when I am alone at work in the mornings.  What is your “thing”? Everyone has one.

Just be silent, listen to the quiet, be still and hear things for what they are.

silent

Let’s Turn this Bus Around!

16 Mar

If you have been reading my  blog since the beginning, or, you know me in person, you might know by now, that I am a very sensitive and emotional person. I can read others emotions without them saying anything. I can read situations and tread lightly if I feel it requires it, or I can bring a person out of their shell. Co-op students that come to my bakery that are shy and withdrawn, are usually more outspoken by the time they are finished!

With this being said, I need to explain why this is. Everyone has a specific human dynamic. There can be 5 different variations of human dynamics, mine is Emotional Physical. In short, I feel everything! And, conversation, verbalizing and writing out my emotions helps me articulate and realize what I think and feel is true, without knowing that it was true or, even knowing that the words were going to pour out of me. My emotional system and body is in constant interaction. So, if you read something that I have written, and it seems like my world is crumbling all around me, please keep in mind my specific human dynamic, this is why it comes out so raw and deep cutting. I feel everything and when it is emotional pain, it goes down to my core.

This is why, I need to be in constant contact with my inner self. I need to calm myself down and get rid of the tension that has collected, mostly in my shoulders and back. I have given in to Yoga! I went out and bought a mat the other day. I decided, you know what?, instead of lugging these emotions around and having them develop into stress, I am going to get rid of all this unwanted luggage and find myself again under it all. My husband and kids are super supportive with this, my oldest son has even done some yoga with me lately! It really works.

I am turning this bus around! Instead of getting buried deeper and deeper, I will climb out and find a state of self that knows truths when I hear them. This way I cannot be hurt by others hurtful comments.

I have come to really love the store in my city called Calm’n’Scents. I just relax walking into this store! I have bought some colour baths, and some personal scent sticks to smell periodically. Having a bath with some epsom salts, baby oil and colour bath can really make a person relaxed! I felt exquisite afterwards!

I will not let other peoples negativity control my emotions any longer. There will always be nay sayers and people that judge harshly, but they wont bother me! I cannot always be this way, I am human after all, but I can make it have less of an effect on me. My world is different from everyone else’s in this world. I can see through my eyes, I need to try to see through other’s eyes as well. Not everyone does this, and it is a hard thing to train yourself to do if you don’t have it naturally, but there is nothing to lose! As long as I don’t get caught up in living someone else’s emotions, its all good!

I might sound like I am all over the place with this subject, but that is inside my head. Lots of thoughts, and thoughts of different outcomes and different emotions! It never stops!

I think that we as a whole, a city, a society, a country, a continent, a world, need to get rid of all our negativity. Let go. Find out why we do what we do with our anger, our hatred, our sadness… it all stems from 2 basic emotions, fear or joy. Figure out why. A very smart and intuitive woman (Kathy) told me this, and I have had it in my mind ever since. When I feel anger, I instantly think, Why? It’s always fear! Then, I think on that, and my anger goes away and I can work through it.

This will be very hard work, to keep up with keeping myself emotionally fit, which helps with the physical fitness as well. My body holds onto stress and it makes it hard to lose any weight. I am changing this! I will help myself, which helps everyone around me, my husband and my kids. Here I go….. on to a place that is new!

Wish me luck! Or better yet, come with me!

Dream Crusher, Heart Breaker

11 Mar

So, I made a call this morning to someone I love dearly. I miss her and haven’t seen her lately because she works alot at this time of year. I was almost in tears because it was nice to talk to her and hear her voice. I was telling her about things with the family and I mentioned that I was having some problems with my oldest son. He has been sneaking things and telling lies in order to get away with things and avoid punishments. This is a regular problem for a 7 year old boy, or so I thought. Well, I was told that I am too hard on my oldest. He has more chores, more responsibilities and apparently, I don’t make my youngest do anything.

My children have chores, and they are designed for my children for their specific ages and abilities. There is a chore chart on our fridge that they have to look at every day, and do the assigned chores. I also sit with them after supper and they do 2-3 homework pages, which I help them with. I think that teaching children responsibilities is very important. I do not want spoiled ungrateful children who talk back to their parents and get whatever they want when they want it. I am strict. I know this. My children are well rounded, who are polite to people and clean up after themselves. All kids slack and I let the chores slack off sometimes, In the end, they know that everyone has resposibilites and why we do. We tell the kids that our household is a team and that everyone has to participate to make the house run.

Of course my oldest son has more things to do. He is older and can do more things. As my younger son gets older, he will get more responsibilities as well.

Why do my loved ones want to judge my parenting and tell me that what I am doing is wrong? That is a blow that is below the belt, and it is hurtful and mean. It is hard enough being a parent, having the constant thoughts that I am not a good enough parent, always questioning whether my decisions are the right ones, and the guilt that never stops. On top of all the self doubt, I get someone telling me that what I am actually doing is bad. That is rough.

My kids are healthy, smart, happy, responsible, sensitive and really really really loved. Plus they are super cute!

I have no idea why I listen to these negative comments, but I can’t help it, and it hurts me to the core. I take everyone’s crap and don’t defend myself enough. Why? I just want peace and happiness!

I have judged in the past, others ways of parenting, but I didn’t say anything. I know it’s not good to judge in the first place, and I had to remind myself that it is none of my business and it is someone else’s life. I don’t say anything. I am no expert. I do the best I can with what I have and the support of my husband! The person that judged me is not perfect, I know this, but I know that she did the best she could. She made some serious mistakes, but I would never tell her that. You know the saying that every time you point a finger at someone, there is 3 fingers pointing back at you…..this is a serious example of that. It makes me upset and sad, and angry at the same time.

This is my life. I am making decisions that I deem fit for my family. Every situation is different, every person is different. Excuse me for not fitting a mould or doing exactly what others think that I should do. My family is my everything. I would lie in the street and die for my family if I knew it would save their lives. I am Momma Bear. No one has the right to judge me and my family, just like I have no right to judge others.