Archive | February, 2015

Just to be Satisfied

18 Feb

I have been thinking alot about things, as always, and I am wondering “when are people satisfied?”  This could be big or small things. I like things to be perfect, and before I had children I was much worse. I was a clean freak, and I was seriously addicted to buying cleaning products. I never left more than a glass on the edge of my sink for dishes, I vacuumed every day. It was insanity, but I had the time and I was single with no children. Now, I have learned to let things go. My house is not the vision of cleanliness, nor is it a dirty gross pit. We live in our home, and it looks like it! I would love to have things clean all the time, but then where would my family be? I have put the clean freak in the closet and let it just be there. Every once in a while it wants to poke its head out, and I let it, but just until I am satisfied and not obsessive.

This leads me to a bunch of other things that I can dwell on and not appreciate where I am at the moment that I am in it. Am I satisfied to be where I am? Yes, I am. There are others that could argue that being satisfied is not fulfilling every moment of my life. I am fine with where I am, who I am and who I am growing to be. I am happy. Satisfaction is in our minds, it is a feeling, that can often be misleading, guiding us toward anxiety and a feeling of needing more. It can be very unhealthy, and destructive to our emotional health. It can also heal us and help us to deal with the everyday beating of the advertisements we see and hear and our peers, but you have to chose which it will do to you.

I am satisfied and feel good about my life, however, I am not satisfied at the minimum storage in my home, so I will do something about it. This feeling of not loving my storage situation has nothing to do with being happy and healthy, it has to do with a small home! Now, if I made myself unhappy about the situation, I could trick myself into thinking that I would not be happy unless I had a bigger home. I will not let this feeling in. This feeling I keep at arms length, but it could easily take someone over.

Find the things that make you happy, don’t dwell on things that make you unhappy. You don’t have to keep up with  the neighbours or your friends. For me, it comes down to the basics, the fact that I am happy with my family and friends. Changing my curtains or wanting a better vehicle does not effect the basics. I refuse to trick myself any longer.  I think about all the natural disasters that happen, and what would I want to save? My family, friends and some pictures. Not the Prada purse or the $50,000 vehicle in the driveway.

This, is why I am satisfied, and it is okay to say so.

It has nothing to do with having no drive or energy to get more out of life, it has everything to do with being happy in the moment of life I am in now and not wanting for more. I would love to do more things and love more and be creative and such, and I will do more, but I am still happy where I am RIGHT NOW!

How satisfied are you?

All Different, All the Same

13 Feb

I have been observing as of late. Just observing the ebb and flow of everyday life, the thoughts that I have, the comments of others and the difference between us as individuals. Of course these observations start with my children. How do they perceive themselves and others, and what makes them act as they do. My conclusions were quickly realized. Children act out what they observe and what is reinforced in their everyday life. They make decisions whether good or bad and in turn learn whether  they were the right choice or not. This is growing. They need to try, they need to test and in the end they learn. I had my eyes opened when I came to realize that my children will make mistakes and I need to give them a chance to become individuals and to not chastise them for every wrong decision, but to guide them into making the right decision next time. My children’s behaviour is a direct reflection on my parenting, but it only goes so far. I shall not blame myself or beat myself up if my child decides to not listen in class, I will guide him to the right behaviour. I am raising people. Individuals with their own brains and bodies, I need to loosen up a little bit,. I am not saying that I will let them do whatever they will….no no no, they have rules and chores and proper ways to talk and act toward others, and they have consequences for bad behaviour, however, I am just now realizing and choosing to stop being the Boss, and start being their Mentor.

I see this in others as well. We as a society are very unforgiving. “That girl just cut me off with her car, she is a bad person”, that is it, cut and dry, but then we find out it was a friend of ours mother, then what? We are so quick to judge and put people down, we don’t realize that these people are not really bad, they don’t mean to do things like that ( for the most part), but we are human and we make mistakes. We need to learn to forgive others. Would you want to be forgiven for a mistake that you made? Of course.

We are, all on this earth, we are all in a way, related. My neighbour is my brother, in essence. Why can’t we act like it? Why hate? Why judge? One of my pet peeves is when people don’t listen when others are speaking, they are not hearing, they are waiting for a chance to respond to what the other person said to them. Just wait, just listen.

The more that we know of each other, the more compassion we will have for each other, the more human we will actually feel. If others just realize that their behaviour effects everyone around them, we might have a much more peaceful world. Maybe. I believe in peace. I believe in Karma, and I believe in the idea of fate. Sure, I can see things happening for a reason, but I can also see that things just happen with no reason at all. I am still exploring that.

There is alot I am exploring and searching for in myself. I know for a fact in my own being, that some things just feel right. Other things, I am searching for.

As I explore though, I am finding that I am becoming a better mother, I am becoming more true to myself and reaching down and grabbing all of the trauma I have been through, which is more than anyone knows. I am saying these things to my husband, because once I say them, they become the truth which I have been denying to put into words for 27 years.  Things happened, and I am willing to forgive. Going through everything is making me feel like I am shedding a very confining skin, and emerging new and fresh, soft and untainted.

There is hope, we need each other.

To feel comfortable in our own skin.