“NO” says the Child

27 Oct

Yes, yes, those of us with children completely understand the word “no” better than anyone! Those of you without children have probably witnessed the upheaval that this word can make!  Now, I have found that children tend to respond better to positive reinforcement than the negativity, my 5 year old needs positive reinforcement, otherwise he is on the edge of becoming one of those children, the kind that you see out in public with their parents and they do and say whatever they like without any repercussion, but everyone else is appalled. I wouldn’t let it get that far EVER!checkmark So, I have found the magic trick for him that works. Calm voice, asking nicely and letting him know what is to happen if he does not do what he is told. He does not always do what he is told, with a little help with his chore, or if I stand there and watch him and guide him to do it, he does a wonderful job with no screaming! It is my little success which I have just achieved! What a difference!

Now, it is my 7 year old who is giving me a hard time now. And, not just me, but my husband as well! He must think that he is 13 or even 27 for that matter! I have a big problem with children not doing as they are told and fighting with authoritybaby-temper! I was raised with a very strict mother, and she NEVER had to tell me a third time. If I was not up and doing what I was told by the second time, it was trouble! And if you see my mother’s mad face, you will know why! It’s pretty scary. I guess I do not have that mad face, it is pretty ineffective on my children, although they do listen to my mother and knows when she means business!

My 7 year old is advanced for his age, he reads at a 5th grade level and he picks up information like a sponge. He always has his nose in a book and I read bed time stories to both of my children every night. It is punishment for them if they don’t get a story! We watch Cosmos together and he plays Boggle and Scrabble with me all the time. For his 5th birthday, everyone bought him word search books! I am thinking that maybe this is why he likes to defy authority. Maybe he thinks he knows better than his father and me! I tell him to do something and he says something along the lines that he is going to do something else first, and he has reasoning for this, and thinks that he is perfectly logical. I keep telling him that he cannot decide on what is good for him and what has to be done at what time. His father and I have to constantly remind him that he is 7 years old, not an adult! You should hear him talk to his brother! It’s enraging! If I hear him say “No Adam” one more time! Ugh! Another thing, I keep telling him is that I am the parent, he is not. He cannot decide what is good for his brother either! I mean it is okay to have his brother’s back if he were to get hurt or something, but to parent him is MY job! I have no idea how to get through to this child!Naughty Dad He does not respond to any kind of talking. I have to remind him constantly what he is doing. It is like stuck in his brain that he knows better than his parents! I have tried talking nicely, I have tried punishment, I have explained things to him, nothing sticks! I should try a control exercise with him. Make sure that he has no control of anything and see how he stands it. I will have to do some research for this! I don’t know what he thinks is going to happen if he loses control.

I know, this is partly my fault, I admit that I prefer control, and I wish I wasn’t like this all the time! Ha ha! My mother had full control because she was a single mother. I have done well at letting go and letting my husband take control. I sometimes prefer to be sitting on the side lines. I hate to be the one to make all the choices, especially since I have to make all the choices at the bakery. It’s very tiring and wears me out. I just want to sit and let stuff happen around me sometimes!  I know that my 7 year old is too young to appreciate just letting go, but it must be tiring for him, worrying about things and thinking that he needs control, or maybe he just likes the feeling of being in control. Playing the puppeteer to his brother. I do not remember being in need of that much control when I was his age, probably because I had a bossy friend who needed to be smarter and in control of everything, which made  me just go with it! I didn’t really care! There must be some reason why he is like this. Maybe he has anxiety or something? Maybe I am reading too much into it, and he is just like every other older sibling? I don’t know. Whatever it is, he has to be stopped! Ha ha, like he is an enemy of war that just has to be stopped at all costs! Ha ha!

My kids are really wonderful, no matter what a ranting mom says! They are smart, cute and lovable, and I don’t want them to change who they are, just the manner in which they talk to and treat other. This is their life, not just mine. They have to be who they are and need to possess control at times. I am okay with that. But they need to be decent adults. I will not raise children that will be demanding and needing to be in control. You don’t accumulate friends that way!

I will figure it out! I will try until something works! It is becoming harder all the time! Kids are a lot of work! Sometimes I just want to relax, not have to yell or give someone a stern talking to, and not hear any screams from brothers fighting! Just relax kids! Be good! Just be good! I enjoy these days, they will be gone in a flash, but a mom can vent!

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