It’s All About Everyone Else

14 Aug

It has been a while since my last post. I have been very busy, with no time at all to do some serious relaxing! I am sure that every parent feels this way, and it might be even worse for business owners. I am tired. Plain and simple. Tired. I have a ton of things to do on any given day. I still have not caught up on my book work for the bakery. I am about 2 weeks behind, except for payroll, that is always done on time. I work everyday, and some days that I have off and get off work a little early, I am having to do things at home, or taking my kids places and playing or doing crafts. I have to do my rounds of visiting, getting supplies for the bakery, and keeping up with having friends and family. I know it does not sound hard, or even like work to do most of these things, but when you are stretched out in all directions, it feels like climbing a never ending mountain, Unattainable success in achieving anything. At any given moment, if I sit down and relax, I can guarantee that I would fall asleep. 

I know I have to take an hour or so to just relax and centre myself again, like hitting a reset button, but there is always something else or someone else that needs my immediate attention. Even if I did have some relaxation time, what would I do? I would just fall asleep. Maybe I should do just that. When I put the kids to bed at night, I should just lie in bed and relax. So simple, but so hard to do!

So, who needs my attention? My children, 7 & 5 years old. They are not quite independant yet and even the smallest things need my attention. My children are a little different than most as well. They are always by my side. I try to get them to go play upstairs with their toys, or to go read a book, but they never want to leave me. I know this is a blessing, because, realistically how long will this last? I love my kids, I love to cuddle them and kiss them, it has to be my favourite thing in the world. Sometimes they both want on my lap at the same time and they fight with each other on who’s arms should go around me. They push each other out of the way and most of the time I cannot handle this, but they get jealous of each other. I never want them to feel that I favour one more than the other, but I know it is inevitable. Whether you favour one over the other or not, they end up thinking or feeling that the other sibling gets more perks. I am an only child. I don’t really understand it. Anyhow, I love that they want to be near me at all times, but sometimes I need a minute. Sometimes I need an hour, or an uninterrupted bath, or pee for that matter! Ha Ha! My boys are having to learn that mommy needs privacy. Boys cannot come into the room when mommy is in the bathroom or changing, or showering etc. This is when they like to barge in or ask me questions or want to cuddle. I do what I can. I always feel guilty.

Who else needs me? My husband, but he is more self sufficient….I’m so lucky! My husband does dishes and laundry, he vacuums and cleans toilets! He makes dinner almost every night as well. He needs me emotionally. We are both pretty sensitive people and we miscommunicate. like most people. For the most part we are like one person, which is cool. I have to get out of my own mind and stop worrying about things or thinking about the business for a minute when we are talking, or he is telling me a story. The bakery is all consuming in my head. It takes over everything. It is sometimes hard to see his side of stories when I am thinking from the perspective of a boss or I am just emotionally drained. He is patient for the most part. He gets annoyed or even mad sometimes. But our relationship is successful because we both work at it and we talk and are honest with each other about absolutely everything. 

My staff and my business needs me. This is what drains me the most. Oh, people. People are different, people need to be guided at all times, there is a lot of hand holding. There is always a need to solve problems and keep everyone happy. There is sick calls, early outs, low production, excuses, reasons, etc. It isn’t always this bad, but it feels like it! I am a mediator, a mentor, a teacher, a boss, an employee, a counsellor, a therapist, a friend, a coach etc. I wear a lot of hats at work. I do my own book work, I am at the bakery very early every morning to do the baking of the cupcakes (180-240 cupcakes), I decorate them and then I decorate cakes and make the supply orders and organize the donations and meetings and such. Its very tiring.

All of this takes a lot out of me, and then I have friends and family that I visit. I just want to turn off my brain sometimes. I love my friends. I love my family. My best friends are my neighbours, they are a married couple with small kids as well. They are great and I could count on them for anything, as they could with my husband and I. I feel more secure knowing that they are right there. I now love my neighbourhood. I have made myself familiar with all of my neighbours now. I don’t worry about my children so much now. 

I still have to move and be conscious, but not only that, I care about everyone and everything that everyone is saying to me. My head is full, my body is tired. I need to relax.

Where do I relax without the need to get up and do laundry or clean? Where do I relax without feeling guilt because I am not doing anyting? Why do I always have to be doing something? 

I need to make time for me in order to take care of everything and everyone else! I just find it hard to do. It’s all about everyone else. DId I say I was tired? Ha ha! 

I am not complaining about my life at all….I am just enlightening you to how my life works. Most of the time I do not know what I am going to blog about at the time until I start typing, and even then I just realize how I actually feel when it comes out on the screen. 

I love my life, I love everyone in it, and I would not change anything, except my need to care for everyone else but myself. To find the balance would be great. That will be my next project!!

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